wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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