tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
