I wish I could teleport
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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