I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
