I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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