Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
