It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
