Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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