If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
