We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
