Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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