we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
