bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
