Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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