He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
