all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
