if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
