weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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