He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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