I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
