I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
