Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
