I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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