The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
