We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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