woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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