you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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