it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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