You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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