He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
