She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
