i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
