I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
