We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
