My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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