just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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