I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
