I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
