apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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