dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
