my being single is dangerous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
