They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
