I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
