Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
