If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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