He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
