I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
