I wish I could teleport
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
