the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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