Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
